Courage Throught Faith
Grace and Peace to every one.
Wow I really didn’t think I would be doing this testimony this soon. Thank you Job for giving me the opportunity for sharing a little bit of my spiritual Journey with all of you. I would like to start with a little bit about myself...
I come from a family of 6 Four sisters and one brother.
My Mom is American born in Portland Oregon. My dad was born in Poland later moved to Denmark at age four with his family, before travelling to Canada where he met my mom in WCG and was later married.
I was Born into that church, and as Craig pointed out i was involved in the Youth programs, which i recall Craig and Debby was involved in all the youth groups.
I didn’t quit finish YES. ( Youth Educational Service ) which was much like the world wide church of God equivalent to Sunday school, or children’s church. Shortly after this i left church. I wasn’t really into Church and God in general, i would rather hang out with my worldly friends.
My journey in faith really began after that time. I was very shy, and would be the one in school that would take his lunch by wondering off the school yard to some solitary place and eat it there.
Purposly avoiding the other students, even the thought of confrontation would terrify me, let alone doing something like getting on a stage or giving a testimonial.
There was also the inevitable times, the times that had to eventually come, when I had to be sociable, shake a hand, and have something to say. Carrying on a conversation wasn’t easy for me especially when my heart is pounding and I was struggling to get the words out.
For me growing up wasn’t easy. At school, students often form social groups. I However would often avoid people, amazed at how easy it was for some.
As time passed relationships with others did get gradually easier, all be it the wrong kind of relationships. I had been accepted into a crowed that eventually introduced me into the world of addiction.
As time passed I started smoking, eventually drinking more and more.
I was predisposed to this at an early age as alcohol could be easally found in my home growing up.
I started heavier drugs when I was around 17, it was a good thing that this phase in my life didn’t last too long, and was a catalyst that would serve change my life.
Scrounging a bit of money, I went to a friend, and asked him to grab me some of those heavier drugs I mentioned. He sed yes of course he would grab it for me after all he was my friend, and as the night came and went eventually it was morning, at that point I realized he was never going to show.
It was that night, and for the first time I learned there was a father, not the type of father I was used to, but a father that would be with me all the time, not necessarily I with him and would teach me slowly, little by little to trust in him.
Psalm 84, reminds me of that night, and some of the things I have struggled with through out the years of my life.
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Psalm 84:7-12
Blessed are those whose strength is in you, whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.
6 As they pass through the Valley of Baka, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools.
7 They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion.
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This Father was turning my weaknesses into strengths.
As I was lying in my bed and listening to my parents arguing for the first time I asked God a question. Is this really how its supposed to be. Is life really about friends stealing from one another? or a man being abusive to his Wife?
God give me the wisdom to be different and not to carry on this pattern of abuse.
It all started that night, listing to my parents argue, which was a norm around my house, they would argue and have some sort of disagreement every night. That night i heard a quiet voice in my head say, I will.
I was reminded of Solomon’s prayer when as he asked God for the wisdom to lead his people, rather than wealth or riches, and God answered him by giving him both Wealth and wisdom.
That morning I decided to go back to church, which was the world wide church of God and eventually I was baptized into his kingdom.
I love my Mom and my Dad, despite all there shortcomings, I know now that they loved me the only way they knew how. And if I could go back in time I would be very careful to listen to them.
Many of the problems I faced in life could have been avoided if I just listened to my patents.
Hurt Happens By accedent, we never intend to hurt the people we love. However, we try to correct our children out side of the boundries of what God intened, which oftain promotes shame and guilt.
Both my Mom and Dad adore God. My mom was the kind of person that would read the Bible day and night, marking it up from cover to cover. I remember the Street people. My Mom used to Knit sock’s for some of the poor people Down Town on the east side, she always tried hard to please God.
It wasn’t until after the changes in world wide that my dad began to watch revival programs and became a bit of a penticostal. He Became a totally different person Jesus was working in his life a whole new way, and it showed.
But this is a testimony about my journey.
As time passed, nothing really changed, or so I thought. I eventually started drinking again, stopped, Started again, sure I was gaining in myself a little more confidence each time I came back to God, but through it all I always heard him say. I’m not done with you yet!
What a waste, drugs and alcohol are a waste of money and is a selfish thing to do. There are many starving and hurting people in the world. I was putting funds that belong to God, into my body and destroying myself.
However, I heard that voice once again. “I am not done with you yet!” Jesus was still there.
I knew there wasn’t something right with me. I was still very awkward around people, but God was slowly turning my weakness, into strength.
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1st corinthians1 V26-31
26 Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him. 30 It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31 Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.
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Going back to my school days, allthough i was in class, I wasn’t really there, if that makes any seance, I wouldn’t pay attention in class, and most of the time I would just Guess an answer on the test without really giving the question a lot of thought, much of it was related to ADD, Attention deficit Disorder spectrum.
Later on I was diagnosed by a diagnostician, as having a very low percentile for learning, I was good at mostly the visual range for learning. That is, in other words, its easier for me to learn from pictures for example.
Repetition really is the best method of learning for me.
Jesus was teaching me to slow down and really search for the answers to questions before answering them. In the book of proverbs God warns about answering someone even before the person is finished speaking.
The only book that ever really interested me was the Bible.
There are some books I had taken to right away like ‘Knowing God as father’, by James Robinson, you may know him from the ‘life today program’ on TV, and the Grace walk series by Steve Mcvey, both of which i highly recommend.
I was to weak in myself to say no to alcohol, when ever I thought i needed it for some reason, but the bible clearly seys that to much of anything is not good, God is a God of balance. And God reminded me of this every single time i let go.
I realize from 1st corinthians1 Verse 30 “It is because of him that we are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption”.
God never gave up on me from birth, even in my weakness, Everything that is righteousness, holy or redemptive, Comes from God through Jesus.
The next verse in 2n Timothy 11 - 13 has reminded me ever since I first came to God through Jeshua Jesus, that God doesn’t make mistakes, that I am not a mistake, allthough the devil will always try to convince me that I am, God will finish, the work he started in my life so many years ago.
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2 Timothy 11-13
11Here is a trustworthy saying:If we died with him,we will also live with him; 12if we endure, we will also reign with him.
If we disown him, he will also disown us; 13if we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself.
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When I was baptized for the kingdom of God, God the father gave me his spirit, to start and finish a work in my life, he loves me despite everything i was putting my self through, and would remain with me and remind me at even the lowest moments in my life he was still there, really, there was no hight i could fall, that he would not be there to catch me. God remained faithful to me through everything.
And this was his promise when I made the good confession, because that confession came from my heart out of weakness and need for him.
I also learned that this part of my life was to teach me that I needed to continually keep my eyes on Jesus. ( Day By Day Moment By Moment. ) If Peter kept his eyes on Jesus as they were walking on the water, Jesus would have not has to reach into the water and pull him out.
Because Jesus is the first born of us, in Gods Family he knows everything about God, and I wasn’t even born yet. Jesus said “I am the way and the truth, and the life.”
The Aforementioned process repeated itself many times in my walk with Jesus. I was coming and going, rinse and repeat, but the whole time God was still there in my mind always leading me back to Jesus. At the time i didnt realize that Jesus needed to be my focus, and God was leading me back to that.
As time passed I began to get a confidence I never had before. It eventually became easier to communicate with people. This formally shy person, I mean. ( Really shy person,) and this shyness wasn’t just a child hood thing, this social awkwardness lasted well up to the age of 45, im 52 now, its a change where I could feel it, you know that something has changed in your life, its a change, I think that would allow me to serve others better.
I was so shy with some people I later learned that they thought I didn’t like them, because I would ignore them.
What is the point in change if not to help others, sure we can change for the worst, but what is the point of that.
I recalled the passage in the book of John where John the baptist was answering his disciples questions when they asked who he was in relation to Jesus.
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John 3V 27-30
27 To this John replied, “A person can receive only what is given them from heaven.
28 You yourselves can testify that I said, ‘I am not the Messiah but am sent ahead of him.’
29 The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom’s voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete.
30 He must become greater; I must become less.
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Jesus needs to become greater in my life. I must become less. For the first time in my life I was taught this life changing lesson. The lesson of service.
Now i doent Smoke, or Drink excessively. I was biting my nails ever since i can remember, i cannot remember a day that i had freedom until now from putting my finger in my mouth and chewing..
Now they have grown back. I reasoned that, because Jesus didn’t chew his nails or Drink excessively im not going to do that. He must become greater, I must become less.
He needs to become greater at home, at school, at work. Jesus needs to become greater in my relationships with my Wife, my work mates, with my church family. Jesus needs to become greater I need to become less.
Jesus Told his disciples, “I am the way and the truth and the life.”
I really love the last word here. ( Life ), as it tells me who I need to listen too first, as I go through life, in order to truly live. Jesus.
Many of the problems I have described in my own life I know are not exclusive to me. There may be some people at home right now watching this, that are going through the same things I went through.
You may feel you have ruined your chances with God, and how could Jesus love some one like you, you may not even come to church now because you think what is the point?
I wasn’t going to church for the longest time because of low self esteem and even depression. I felt like how could i measure up to the Debbie’s the Craig’s or the Jobs?
But Jesus spoke to my heart and said keep your eyes on me. I will show you the father you never had, and i will demonstrate Gods power in your life, through your weakness.
On the day you chose me, in weakness, I have never abandon you, and never will, “ I have not lost. And will not loose, one of those the father has given me”.
If any one listening to this right now and God has spoken to your heart, you may be drinking excessively, you may be experiencing depression, you think that you have failed God in some way, don't believe the lies of the devil, you are still dearly loved by God.
Maybe you are considering your life for the first time in making a disicion for Jesus, and to let him into your heart, its never to late. God the father will allways have a perpose for your life. He will always lead you back to the place of healing that is in Jesus.
We love you. This is the place for you. There are people here that will pray for you and with you. Or if your are going through struggles in your faith and just need someone to talk to. Satan will always try to convince you that you will never be as good as someone else, or are not worthy of love because of some weakness you have. But God did not make a mistake when he called you. God loves you, and we love you, you belong in his family, you belong here.
Grace and peace.
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